What Gets in the Way of Feeling Worthy?

And how to reclaim it for good.

By Allison Roxanne Smith, Dream Activation Strategist & Certified Life Coach

When we don’t truly know our worth, it’s easy to fall into the trap—consciously or not—of believing we aren’t worthy at all. That quiet belief can shape everything: how we think, feel, act, and even what we allow ourselves to experience. But here’s the truth: knowing your worth and owning it is non-negotiable for real joy and well-being. Let’s take a deeper look at what the research says—because you are worthy, and it’s time to start living like it.

Let’s Talk About Worthiness

If you've ever felt like your self-worth is riding shotgun with everything happening around you, you’re not alone. Many of us—especially after a major life shift like divorce or widowhood—tie our worth to what we do, how we look, or what others think.

But when your worth depends on things outside of you, it becomes unstable. One missed opportunity, one failed attempt, one offhand comment—and suddenly, you’re questioning your value.

Sound familiar?

When Self-Worth Becomes Conditional

Sure, we want to feel good. But when we only feel worthy under certain conditions, we start making choices based on fear—not freedom.

For example:

• If you only feel worthy when you're successful, you might avoid challenges just to prevent failure.

• If you feel worthy only when you look a certain way, you might engage in habits that don’t actually serve your health or happiness.

  
  

Instead of chasing joy, we end up chasing safety—and that keeps us small. We don’t go for the new career, the adventure, or the big dream. Why? Because our worth is on the line.

How to Know If You’re Doing This

Ask yourself: What situations not only make me feel bad—but make me feel bad about myself?

These are the moments where your self-worth might be outsourced to outside approval, achievements, or appearance.

Reclaiming Your Worth From the Inside Out

So how do we shift this? How do we root our worth in something solid—something that doesn't rise and fall with the world?

Here are four research-backed ways to reconnect with your true value (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001):

1. Value Growth Over Perfection

When you focus on learning and evolving, you make space for failure—and for healing. Growth means you’re still becoming, not proving.

2. Pursue Purposeful, Prosocial Goals

When your goals add value to your life and someone else’s, you stop needing approval to feel worthy. You already arevaluable—your goals just reflect that.

3. Drop the External Yardsticks

If your self-worth is built on being liked, looking a certain way, or being “successful,” you’re playing a losing game. Choose internal values—integrity, faith, compassion. They don’t crumble under pressure.

4. Reconnect with Your Inner Gold

Ask yourself:

• What makes me uniquely me?

• What strengths have helped me through hard times?

• What do I love about how I show up in the world?

  
  

Reflect often. Celebrate generously.

Final Thought

You don’t have to earn your worthiness—it’s already yours. But sometimes, life clouds that truth.

If you're ready to reclaim your worth and redesign a life that’s fully aligned with who you are now, know this: you can. And you don’t have to do it alone.

References:

• Crocker, J., and Wolfe, C.T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological review. 108(3) 593.